I have doggedly always reposed much trust on my guts, I mean I thought in line with Olivia pope (season film scandal) “my guts never fail me”. On this certain evening I decided to apply my guts, even though circumstances painted the devils involvement and not even a dot of God’s approval. I allowed a mild distraction. The day had been hectic, yes, frankly speaking I was yet still on my last errand for the day. Why not give in for some youthful pleasure, a distraction that was worth a try. I ventured to embrace the risk, noting all odds against me, a quest for notification and recognition aiming at a long lasting or perhaps peripheral intimacy.

Really, despite darkness attempted to overshadow us, in that the night was as dim as a veil. My pupils dilated, incredibly accommodating even a brighter vision. With a keg of petrol in hand, in pursuance to my last errand that night, specifically at an unholy hour of the day. I spotted a slim figure, her mannerism from a distance communicated novicity and a questionable oblivion. As we gained on each other, proximity gave a better interpretation to her stature. The darkness could not consume her unique beauty, a dim street light gave, a view especially to her perfect eyes, inviting lips and her gradually emerging figure eight stature.

She was blessed with height, deprived of a dark complexion and on subsequent discovery, complimented with an impressing girly accent.
After a few seconds of speculation and examination, I overcame my natural reluctance. ” I would approach her, and I don’t give two fucks whether she screams, snobs or ignore me” I said to myself, due to the fact that it was absolutely an unholy hour, concluding my thought with the regular “at least I made a try” phrase.

Yes! Although with much struggle, I called for her attention, to be more precised I applied the ” excuse me please ” statement. Contrary to my expectation, she made a halt, gave a rapt but hurrying attention.
My guts caught the “speak fast” message, thus I engaged her in a brief discussion to extract vital details about her, and yet like a naive five year old, she spilled out eqquiping me with every crucial detail for a comfortable next encounter.
Immediately I felt a rush, my blood stream was flooded with satisfaction, which guy could stop a young girl at such grave time of the night and obtain such details? Save with the overwhelming application of force. In fact over excitement blinded my discretion, I forgot to bid the damsel a goodbye.

I took off and walked briskly, like a hungry dog chasing bone. Though I was only about 16 years old then. I crammed her details in the absence of my phone that night. Thus as soon as I was within the confines of my father’s house, my phone was the first to witness my return, since I had to decorate it with an important detail.

It was Taiwo’s 2go username. My request was accepted few days later when she came online. We chatted briefly and to my greatest surprise, we didn’t exchange numbers. My guts comforted me “at least she was only a stone throw from my house”.
Days went by, months followed suit. My memories became dim, my guts could only aid me with the fact that I had met an incredible girl one night, a person who prefers to stay offline and bless all her contacts with niether profile picture nor status.
A year passed, truly I forgot totally about Taiwo, until one afternoon. While the scouching heat of the sun produced sweats on my face, three young ladies approached. Their resemblance laid to rest the family tie question, but their varying heights sprouted the ” who is older question”. On a long and short it was Taiwo, her twin sister Kehinde and Deborah (her elder sister) approaching.

We had a reconvergence, both giving explanations for the long break in communication between us. Assumed a better sacle exchanging numbers. Furthermore, it would be grave if I skipped the part where she was all excited to see me, in fact I was compelled to make a promise to call, and always keep up with the chats on whats app.
Certainly as any other reasonable young man would have acted if opportuned to be placed in my shoe. I picked up the call to duty.
Honestly, I sailed the right direction, stayed up late at night, exhuasted most of my 24 hours to chatting her up. Perhaps this was the contextual extremity that killed my cat, rather than curiosity.

The bound grew and became firm. Taiwo and I knew that just like 5 and 6, we had a thing. As a university student, at a point I found it difficult to concentrate. Obssessed with Taiwo and disappointed with grades, I yielded my guts instruction ” ask her for a little breathing space, she wouldn’t leave but just space”. I made the request, she obliged ” its okay” concluding her response with the “don’t worry I understand” phrase.

Now that was it. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to figure out the method to her madness. All attmepts to retract my statement was futile. She gave me distance
I laboured to ignite the dead vibes. She noticed and took two further steps. Comfortably not picking up calls and giving little or no response to chats.

I cursed myself, what have I done? The vibe was gone, this incredible story is gradually producing no happily ever after, worst of all this amazing girl had gone beyond arm lenght without giving a second thought.
Thus I resolved I will let go. We both knew I loved her, but love has its limits. I was sure that from her actions I could only feature at the rare of her scale of preference.
Yes! I know I had my faults, I might be crappy, overly curious, boring and still fun to be with at times. Lets even assume it all my fault. But this obssession is eating deep, death is obviously drawing close as the day goes by. Numerous thoughts of guilt tormented me daily. She had occupied most of my daily thoughts, I even dreamt it her at night. Insanity was close, yet I knew she was now far beyond my grip. Thus while wallowing in one of my daily thoughts, I have decided to let off the steam by penning down the contents of this bumpy ride so far.
Thus I wrote this to her
“Dear Taiwo, obviously you have now grown into a very pretty lady with enviable contents at your front and rare positions, your lips have even taken a brighter appearance, and those long, slim, spotless legs of yours have not missed God’s blessings of Attraction. Although you might not care but I have decided to step down, and call off the fruitless chase. Even if still I can’t survive missing those amazing laughter of yours, so lets play consciously safe and keep it at a moderate friendship level”
I hope I made the right call?

                                                            Cristus

By Christopher Awodimila

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